Scene Creation Questions
Photo by Erik Likes Red Studio. Photography session at Awakening Arts Temple
If you’ve been to one of my Awakening Arts Beginner’s Shibari Events, my partner Erik and I teach how to create a successful BDSM scene for mutual win-wins. In the workshop, we teach a very basic blueprint (our CCC method) so that those that desire to play with rope can do so safely with a new partner inside the event. In this blog, learn how you can take those basic principles and add to them to play responsibly on your own.
First off, it’s very important to have vetted your partner - you want to ask some important questions before you start your scene to ensure playing together is a mutual fit. Once you’ve done that, go through this list of thorough questions for rock solid container creation. These questions are the bare minimum I recommend covering each time you tie one-on-one with others.
While thorough, this is not an exhaustive list, feel free to check out the links at the end for other examples of detailed lists, and I invite you to create your own based on what kind of play you’re doing, the relationship between you and who you are working with, and the risk level you’re playing at. I recommend you take your time going through these all, and especially go slow for the Consent and Negotiation portion to ensure everything is a full F&CK Yes!
Here are your Scene Creation Questions -
First, Check-In. Checking in sets the tone for the type of scene that will be played, and ensures the scene honors the states of the parties that are playing.
Step 0- the Top (or dominant, artist, rigger, etc.) needs to do an honest check in with themselves before starting this process. Are you (the Top) fully in a space to be holding this container with full presence and embodiment? Make sure you’ve done your self-care and completed your needs before starting this - as the Top is the initiator and container holder in this experience. As the Top you are responsible for what happens in the scene, therefore having integrity in your state and ability to responsibly hold the container is of utmost importance.
Step 1- Check-in with the Bottom (or submissive, muse, rope bunny, etc.). Ask your Bottom: How are you feeling (Physically, Emotionally, Mentally, Spiritually, etc.)? Feel free to ask - Do you have any health conditions I should be aware of? Are there any sore, tender, stiff or sensitive spots on your body I should be aware of? Are you sober (we believe sobriety is necessary for consent)? Are you satiated and properly hydrated? What is your emergency Contact person's phone #?
Then, get Consent and Negotiate. It’s absolutely vital to get consent for all types of touch and play that are on the table for both (or all) parties. I invite Tops to put out the tools they are open to playing with, and then have the Bottom take time to feel into their bodies to give consent for each toy/tool. Remember if a tool has more than one use, you negotiate all the types of uses for that tool. Otherwise, don’t include or add anything that wasn’t included in the consent/ negotiation portion later on. You can always take an implement or tool away- for example, removing a blindfold halfway through should the Bottom request it.
If playing with rope, clarify what kind of tying you’ll be doing. Will the Top be tying mechanically/technically (minimal touch) or more sensually/tantrically (incorporating elemental touch- Earth, Wind, Water, Fire). Will it be a platonic experience, a more intimate/arousing one, or a sexual one?
Top should ask- What areas of the body are off limits to touch? Bottoms- Be explicit here. If you don’t want rope going up your butt crack, then say that. If you don’t want your bust touched, say it so the Top can have the utmost care to not touch those areas. The top will also ask- Which areas are off limits to be tied? *It’s a good idea to either repeat back to them for understanding, or even have them write this down on paper for total clarity.* Negotiate toys, tools, impact play, sensation play, tantra elements, sounds, time limit, aftercare, etc. Be specific. Remove any tools/toys/implements from the room or the scene space that are “No’s” for the scene. Remember your aftercare negotiation as well! If you don’t have time for aftercare, I believe you don’t have time for a scene. Make sure as Tops and Bottoms your aftercare needs do not clash. If they do, then don’t move forward with carrying out the scene.
Trauma History- Ask Bottom- Do you have any past negative experience with being restrained or bound? Are there any aspects of these events you want to lean into or avoid? Tope- please be mindful of your scope here. If you’re not sure how to handle activation or triggers that happen with your Bottom, I recommend playing cautiously with these themes. If you’re a Bottom with a past experience that you’d like to reclaim with trauma-informed riggers, read more about our Rope Rituals HERE.
Decide on Code Words- What code words do you want to use to express your limits? I personally use the Stoplight Method- which has yellow for slow down, red for stop that tool, activity or location, "red red red" to end the scene altogether and release from all rope. Depending on the scene, some may choose to utilize “green” to indicate “yes, keep doing that”. Plain language also works great as well, and I always encourage my bottoms to use plain language at any time if needed to pause, stop the scene, or shift gears.
If incorporating sensation play- Ask, what sensation toys/elements do you want to use? Wanting or Willing to try? Hard no’s? Any allergies I should be aware of when it comes to food, oils or lotion on skin, feathers on skin, smells such as sage or palo santo, etc.? Negotiate everything. Remember to never add in elements after a scene as begun. Feel free to take elements away once a scene has started.
If doing impact play- What impact toys do you want to incorporate? Willing to try? Hard no’s? Do you prefer more “thuddy” sensations or “stingy” sensations? *Make sure to do some tests to gauge their intensity tolerance level on a scale of 1-10. Ask what number they’d like to max out at. Once you hit that max once or a few times, I advise you to only decrease from there unless they’re specifically wanting an intense experience stretching their threshold.
Optional Questions but good to ask- What is your experience with being tied or experiencing Shibari? Do you have any claustrophobia? Are you able to express your boundaries?
That about covers your bases! I know it was a lot. I invite you to print out this blog and take your time going through all of these. Perhaps make a checklist out of these questions.
However, if you still feel uncertain in your ability to play safely, I invite you to seek guidance to gain confidence in your skills. Feel free to check out our Conscious Open Rope Lab to practice your skills in a supervised container if you’ve been to one of our Beginner’s Shibari Workshops. Or, setup a private training with my partner Erik and I. You can also setup a Rope Ritual to experience a transformative Shibari experience for healing by proffesionals with years of experience. Learn how to bottom and play with empowered surrender, or perhaps go into the experience to learn what it’s like working with professional Tops! Either way, it’s a transformational experience.
Here are some additional Resources for you to review:
I love Kinky Tuesdays Negotiation Sheet as it’s really thorough for extended scenes/ journeys with more rope work and extensive play- https://www.instagram.com/p/B8tn9LRJ9qw/
Also check out- https://raincitytng.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/negotiation9-25-15.pdf
Be safe and have fun with your scenes!