“Safer” Spaces: 12 Considerations for Facilitators Wanting to Foster “Safer” Containers for Growth
How do you as a facilitator create a container where participants can learn to find safety and nervous system attunement in order to honor themselves and have an overall positive experience?
How can you mitigate harm in your containers and instead foster an environment of connection and a felt-sense of safety more so than lack of safety/ sending participants into a trauma vortex?
I’ve grown increasingly passionate about creating safer spaces for facilitation over the last few years for a variety of reasons. One- being an enthusiastic facilitator myself, when I first began facilitating, I wanted people of all kinds of backgrounds to be able to engage in platonic intimacy and the powerful tool of kink for connection and healing. Another being that I have felt harmed while participating in containers by facilitators operating out of scope, violating agreements, lacking boundaries, having misleading marketing, etc.
Having produced or assisted with 100+ events since 2019, I compiled this list of 12 things to consider when putting on workshops, personal development trainings, or personal growth events.
One may ask (or maybe it’s just a small part of myself feeling imposter syndrome), who are you to speak on this subject? Are you an expert or pro facilitator??
I am not a master nor would call myself an expert. I have however a unique lens as someone who’s experienced a variety of traumas throughout my life, so I have an ability to see and notice things others don’t. I’m also about to complete my second year in a 3 year training program to become a certified Trauma-Trained professional with Somatic Experiencing International.
While I do have years of experience in facilitation, I also receive feedback quite often of how many of my participants are able to feel a felt-sense of safety due to how I run my events and create my containers. I’ve also seen with my own eyes the magick of what’s possible when leading participants and incorporating many if not all of these points included below.
More on my background- I used to help facilitate personal growth facilitator training events (3 days- 21 days in length) for multiple years (8-10 trainings/events on average per year), have facilitated cuddle puddles, assisted kink events and play parties, shibari events, womxn’s circles, sex salons, weekend trainings, online events, in person events. I have attended tantra events, festivals, personal growth trainings, trainings in consent, kink events, play parties, cuddle parties, consent practice circles, ecstatic dances, trauma trainings, etc. I have over 200 events under my belt for having facilitated, assisted, and attended. I have worked with and been personally coached by a number of professional facilitators as well.
Please note that some of these points may not apply to your specific type of event/training, your goals/needs, etc., so feel free to use your discernment and take the best, leave the rest.
Am I perfect with all of these things? Is this list the law of the universe?
Definitely not, and I will say it’s been a journey the last two years learning and refining my processes to be more supportive of strangers coming together and doing intimate or vulnerable connective work.
My desire is that this article opens up more dialogue around these themes and perhaps creates a positive ripple effect that will support many.
Without further ado…here are….
12 Considerations for Facilitators Wanting to Foster “Safer” Containers for Growth
For clarity:
“Safer” - supporting a space/environment where participants feel encouraged to honor themselves to their fullest ability, feel invited to express authentically and vulnerably, can find repair should rupture occur, and overall have an experience that is more healing than harmful for them in the long term.
Examples of “container”- a workshop, training, or event that incorporates intentional vulnerable subjects, intimate themes, sexuality or sensuality, touch, nudity, is meant to be an environment that encourages big emotional release, etc. - not your average Sunday barbecue or hangout but a class, training, etc that is meant or known to stimulate a low, medium, or even high level of stimulation or activation in participants for the purpose of their own personal growth and development, overall resiliency, health and wellbeing, etc.
First off- Be an attuned facilitator - be committed to doing your own inner work. Study to become trauma aware, if not trauma-informed or trauma-trained if you want to really support people in healing trauma with integrity. Work with a professional on your trauma and how to track your own nervous system. Learn how to regulate yourself while facilitating since groups match and mirror the nervous system regulation of the facilitator. Also know this is a lifelong journey and process, and we all “human” from time to time. Be open to being vulnerable and transparent and apologize for any harm caused. (Ps- If you’re not willing to apologize for harming people, facilitation is likely not a good career move for you).
Be open to feedback- be sincerely open to hearing feedback and provide an anonymous form for those who don’t feel safe coming to you directly. If you get defensive or struggle to stay regulated hearing feedback, consider working with a professional on this or creating a way to get the feedback that doesn’t involve communication in real time while you work on being able to hear constructive criticism. Have a protocol for consent violations should they occur, and perhaps find a trusted mediator to collaborate with on this. (May be more applicable to containers involving touch/sexuality/intimacy etc.)
Operate within your scope. Don’t promise results you can’t guarantee. If you’re a trainer of certain techniques and tools, only teach what is responsible for you to teach. If you aren’t equipped to help people integrate traumatic experiences, don’t attempt this. Save this for the professionals, and possibly collaborate with professionals or refer out for this type of work. Trust me there are so many ways to help people without working directly on their trauma.
Have strong boundaries- you’re the leader. You hold the container, you make the executive decisions. Taking this responsibility helps others feel held and able to surrender to your facilitation. Create a culture of not just consent- but attunement. Consent is not black and white- for example, just responding with a verbal “yes” or “no”. Learn about trauma responses - fight, flight, fawn, and freeze and how they can inhibit enthusiastic consent. Depending on the container and duration of it, perhaps consider educating attendees on what attunement and embodied consent means. Emphasize with attendees the importance of negotiation and creating win-win interactions, or collaborate with a professional who can responsibility teach this for you. Don’t victim blame or shame people for going into Freeze or Fawn- instead learn how to support the repair process. Anyone can go into a dysregulation response at any time- it’s best to just know what to do in those scenarios.
Have agreements for the container- Agreements set out norms of how all parties should interact and engage with one another. Is it a platonic container? Make that known and agreed to by all participants- HAVE ALL participants in the room for agreements or find another way to ensure everyone is in full comprehension of the agreements. Is nudity allowed? Top nudity for all sexes? Photos and videos? Is blood curdling screaming allowed? Sexual activity? Is confidentiality a necessary agreement? Certain agreements may be relevant to whether or not someone is a fit to be in the container or even wants to purchase tickets for your event. Consider that in your marketing materials and consider if you should disclose some or all of the agreements ahead of time.
Be upfront and transparent about the full nature of the Container. This is related to agreements- but be transparent about the type of container you are creating in the marketing materials. Is it a loose, open container? Can participants come and go as they please? Are you locking doors and cutting off entry at a certain point? Are you allowing people to come late? Are you allowing certain people to come late but not others? Are you saying in your marketing you’re “locking doors” but not actually sticking to it? In a multi-day container, are you allowing certain participants to arrive days later than others? Consider the kind of content of the container and the kind of container that should match that. In my opinion, (generally speaking) highly intimate containers related to intimacy, high levels of vulnerability, sexuality, touch, nudity, big emotional expression, etc., should have tighter containers. Group co-regulation starts forming from the moment you open doors to the event. Containers that are “come and go” as you please versus having locking doors and agreements will have a completely different energy/air to them. There’s nothing wrong with either as long as you’re up front with attendees and everyone understands the nature fully ahead of time prior to purchase. Have help- if working with large groups or populations you have less experience with, consider having other facilitators in the space to help provide emotional support and another perspective (this also depends on the subject matter of the teaching/experience material), but know if you’re inviting big emotions, emotional release, intimate subjects, touch work, this can be especially stimulating or activating for participants. Have a plan in place to support those attending or at least give them resources to seek that support elsewhere.
Having your own agenda- do you have an agenda about what you specifically want from participants as the facilitator? Be up front about this- before people pay. A common one I see a lot is the capturing of participants' processes on video or with photos. Do you plan to take photos during the event? Let people know BEFORE they sign up/enroll. Not everyone wants to be in your marketing materials, especially when they’re processing big emotions or engaging in intimate activity. Give people the chance to opt-out of being photographed or videoed -unless your event is a photo shoot and it's clear that’s why people are there. Media release forms are a great idea if you’re going to use images of participants for the web or social media (they also demonstrate your legal right to use the images). And respect it if people change their mind and no longer want to be featured in your marketing. Fun fact- people are allowed to do that!
Have integrity & be forthright. Did you advertise you were doing something a certain way but then change your mind once the container was opened? Inform the group. Be prepared that it may create rupture. Either way, own your choices and be the leader. I don’t recommend asking participants for advice on how or if you should enforce boundaries you advertised you were going to enforce. Personally it takes me out of my experience in surrendering in the container, and it makes me feel the facilitator doesn’t have the confidence to hold the container or enforce their own boundaries- which doesn’t inspire my nervous system to follow their direction and surrender in the environment.
Operate and enforce a consent- based space. Don’t coerce people to do things based on your agenda. Don’t tell couples they need to split up and work with other people when they come to the event together and only desire to work together. Unless you’re running an event for couples where they specifically signed up for you to separate them from their partner. Trust people will engage the way they want to and how their nervous system’s will allow them to. Encourage voyeurism as participation. Encourage slowing down to tune into the nervous system. Encourage participants to even leave the space and take a breath outside if needed for down-regulation. Encourage sitting out of an exercise if it doesn’t feel like a “heck yes! I really wanna do this.” Just being in a group environment can be incredibly powerful psychologically and shift the way people normally behave. Even those with strong boundary setting abilities can feel pressured to do what the group is doing. Encourage participants to be autonomous and remind them we live in an abundant universe with future opportunities to engage in these kinds of exercises…and i’ll say it again but voyeurism is an incredibly powerful and valid way to learn. IMPORTANT- Don’t touch others without consent and don’t allow other facilitators or assistants to do so as well. Be the leader and model by example. This is vital.
Learn about power dynamics and the role you and your assistants play. I encourage consideration about the type of work that will be done in the container and if it will be appropriate for facilitators or assistants to participate alongside/with paying participants. Regardless of the choice, make it clear to participants what the roles are. Are assistants/leaders of the event taking part in demos or exercises and putting themselves in positions of nervous system activation or dysregulation? Strongly consider if this is appropriate if assistant’s are also playing a role of being “emotional support” and need to maintain a regulated nervous system in order to fulfill their role responsibly. (Even positive stimulation is stimulation for the nervous system and can lead to dysregulation once resources are taxed). Consider the impact of power dynamics and what role that will have on engaging with participants in particular ways. Consider that people in positions of power tend to have more privilege in the space, and it can be easier for others to go into a Fawn response when engaging with them. Yes, assistants are in a position of power as they are affiliated with the facilitator and especially if they already have experience of attending the event/training. Is the container for assistants different from the participants? E.g. Are assistants free to come late and leave early or follow different norms? Or be on their phones, go in certain rooms, engage in certain ways, etc.? Are assistants role to merely help with some physical labor and enjoy the training alongside participants? Make it clear what their role is and consider the power dynamics, potential repercussions of a lack of structure/boundaries with assistant’s roles, and communicate that with participants so they understand and can have informed consent. Ensure assistants are also following the container agreements at all times…they are representatives of the facilitators and models of behavior.
Learn how to create repair. Rupture may happen at some point in the container. “Safer” facilitation isn’t necessarily about avoiding all possibilities of repair, it’s about fostering a space that allows for repair that honors all parties. If the facilitator can’t make themselves available for repair, do they have a lead assistant that can support? Is there a protocol in place for if/when rupture occurs? What is the protocol if there’s a consent violation? What is the protocol for when a participant has an emotional meltdown in front of the group? Or if/when an assistant does? How do you navigate honoring all participants and their experience while also supporting the ones that may need extra support? These are all things to consider when facilitating. And if thinking about these scenarios creates activation, perhaps consider hiring professional assistance, consulting with a mental health professional with experience facilitating in a similar field, or find a way to operate more in scope with what you are able to responsibly provide.
Consider aftercare/integration. This will depend on the kind of container you’re creating. But if you’re creating consistent stimulation and not providing any kind of aftercare, I find it responsible to share with participants other resources where they can get integration support. Perhaps partner with a professional that provides this, or make a list of resources for participants. Once while in the Blanton Museum of Art, I saw a sign posted on the wall disclaiming how some paintings may invoke heightened emotional states, with a resource one could use for mental health support. It made me think- “if an art gallery can provide some aftercare resources, I think facilitators can too”. One can acknowledge, “this event may be activating or even dysregulating, have a plan in place and have aftercare arranged for post-training as we don’t provide it for you.” You may also consider vetting participants depending on the type of training. If the nature of your container is incredibly emotionally activating and you aren’t equipped to support people in your container with mental health issues, PTSD, C-PTSD, anxiety, mood disorders, etc., consider getting help, additional training, or creating a disclaimer or release of liability form related to that. Perhaps have an application process to vet participants appropriately. Or maybe have a resource page with information on further support and resources for after the event. For more information on this feel free to read and/or share my blog about 5 Types of Aftercare I recommend HERE.
Jumping into the realm of facilitating events can be quite popular and can seem easy and lucrative when you’re on the outside looking in. However, holding containers for others to explore intimate or emotionally deep themes comes with a high level of responsibility. You’re creating an environment where you are playing with people’s psyches. I see many come into facilitation with habits and practices that increase activation and dysregulation in nervous systems instead of cultivating safety and connection. This can create trauma and induce harm.
If you’re new to facilitation and trying out holding workshops, that’s great! I want to encourage you to divulge that information! Vulnerability is a superpower and helps others feel connected to you. Perhaps have a mentor or experienced facilitator participate and give feedback. Perhaps make the price point donation based or sliding scale to account for the fact you are experimenting and learning with real life human beings. While many don’t mind being guinea pigs and trying something new, I always encourage full disclosure and informed consent. Many people don’t have formal or supervised training in the things they teach, and that’s okay, but be open and willing to learn and grow, and continue getting feedback and strive to do better each time.
I have made plenty of mistakes in facilitation..and I will continue to make mistakes at times. We all do. And if I can help just one person with this post…then I’ll be very glad I shared this with the world.
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Thank you for reading and considering these perspectives, it means a lot.
I encourage you to write your own lists of facilitator green lights, or what helps you feel safe in these kinds of spaces. The more we all talk about these topics, the better.
Much love,
Straya
